Mayo Clinic: DBK > KFC

KFC’s family bundle “Fill Up” platters are described as being ‘ENOUGH FOOD FOR TODAY – AND TOMORROW.’ Each of these meals comes with a healthy dose of Colonel Sanders’ chicken, as well as several large sides and drinks, designed to keep you and your white trash children fed throughout the weekend at a family-friendly price point.

It’s only right then that Michael Donohue, aka Donny Baby Kid, aka the man who brought you the Da Bomb Hot Sauce Challenge, took it upon himself to finish one of these bundles in under an hour LIVE on TWITCH. 12 chicken tenders, two large mashed potatoes with gravy, one large cole slaw, and one large Mountain Dew.

As an added bonus for the viewers, DBK swallowed heaping spoonfuls of Hellmann’s mayonnaise for every five subscriptions (or $25) earned during the live TWITCH stream. Hooray, calories! Hooray, sodium!

With Sal Martiello and Andrew Donohue providing commentary on the mics, DBK touched on a range of topics during the KFC challenge including Southern folks, his uncanny resemblance to George Clooney, and the state of the New York Jets. All the while, there were varying opinions in the chat regarding the quality of KFC.

Says viewer Tehownageh, “this dude goin through hell. Worst food on their menu.” Counterpoint from Xcashoutyt1, “your lucky u got some good food.” He/She continued, “this isn’t a challenge this is heaven I love the chicken littles.”

I will say that KFC rules and their Famous Bowl is among my top fast food items. It’s up there with the titans of the industry such as the Cheesy Gordita Crunch, Big Mac and Wendy’s chicken sandwich.

Don confirmed the chicken tenders were tasty, and even went as far as to say the spoonfuls of mayo tasted like ice cream. Mind over matter, right? WRONG.

Somewhere after the 30-minute mark of the challenge, the mayonnaise really started to work it’s magic. The gunks of oil, egg yolk and acid that DBK polished off while enjoying a bowl of the colonel’s mashed potatoes brought on bouts of heavy breathing and groans from the big guy, as well as those all-too-familiar words, “I’m sweating.”

Each scoop of “ice cream” thereafter was just a finger-lickin’ time bomb going down into his stomach. Of course, the stomach is just one of the first stops in the digestive process. After the food glides down into the stomach, the stomach pushes the contents into the small intestine, where the remaining KFC and mayo gets mixed with digestive juices from the pancreas, liver, and intestine. The walls of the small intestine absorb water and the digested nutrients into the bloodstream, while the waste products move into the large intestine. From there, the LI changes the waste from liquid into stool, where it will be stored in the rectum until the day of reckoning. Or until Ms. Frizzle and the Magic School Bus say it’s time to get out of dodge.

I’m no doctor, but I imagine that DBK’s stomach, small intestine and large intestine will all be working over time for the rest of the weekend. The pay isn’t great, but it’s honest work.

While his entrails geared up for yet another battle, it became evident that DBK was, in fact, going to finish inside the 1-hour time limit. The question then became how many more helpings of Hellmann’s would it take until it all came moonwalking back up his throat?

As one concerned viewer, cjt0220, put it, “we are torchering this man.” It was actually Don’s esophagus that was about to be torched – torched with a mudslide of mayonnaise, chicken bits, mayo and mayonnaise.

Notice the blank stare in DBK’s eyes as he said, for the second time in 10 minutes, “I feel like I’m going to shit my pants, too. I’m getting uncomfortable.” Friend, this made all of us uncomfortable.

Immediately following that moment of clarity the subscriptions really started pouring in, like sharks when there’s blood in the water. The payoff everyone had been waiting for was closer than ever. There was roughly 15 minutes remaining on the timer and DBK still had to work his way through some slaw, as well as his comically large Mountain Dew. All the while, subs and donations (read: mayo and mayo) continued to pile up.

Once he successfully consumed the 12 chicken tenders, three sides and Mountain Dew inside of 60 minutes, Don was still tasked with woofing down about four more scoops of mayo. A sadistic victory lap, if you will.

Think of it as a champagne shower after winning a championship game, only instead of winning a championship you just housed an ungodly amount of Colonel Sanders’ sludge in front of hundreds of thousands of friends, haters, gamers, perverts and women. And instead of being doused in Dom Perignon, you’re insides are being heavily coated in mayonnaise.

The result:

For those scoring at home, DBK is now 2-2 in his food challenges with one trip to the hospital. In response to some comments in the chat about that recent hotsaucepital visit, which could have been costly, Don fired back, “Free health care you jackasses! It’s all profit, baby!”

And after getting back to neutral, DBK tells me exclusively, “I couldn’t lose. I was 1-2 heading into this challenge. Couldn’t let myself down.” He adds, “Back was against the wall. Can’t back this dog into a corner.”

Well said.

The DBK Army looks forward to the yet-to-be-announced candy challenge around Halloween next month. Check out the video below for condensed version of the DBK x KFC Challenge, with commentary from the man himself.

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