A total idiot once said, “it’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.” In a world where wins and losses count for nothing and the way you play reigns supreme, Michael Donohue is king. And that’s the world we’re all living in today.
The self-described alpha male, known in the Twitch community as ‘Donny Baby Kid,’ took part in his third LIVE food challenge on Thursday, August 13th, as he attempted to drink spoonfuls of ‘Da Bomb’ hot sauce while eating four heaping bowls of spicy ramen noodles and reciting Edgar Allan Poe’s smash hit, “The Raven.”
The goal of this challenge was to finish the ramen before the hot sauce turned his inners into an inferno. The catch: for every five subscriptions (or $25) earned during the live stream DBK would have to swallow another steaming load of Da Bomb.
The only time he could hydrate himself was when a generous soul blessed him with a “sweet relief” icon in the chat. There was no real time limit in this challenge, just a race against his own beating heart.
As always, DBK entered the challenge with the upmost confidence.
“I am the furthest thing from nervous. I’m an Alpha Male. There’s nothing slowing this train down.”
A coordinated ambush proved otherwise.
The subscriptions started pouring in almost instantly and DBK quickly found himself knee deep in Da Bomb – a hot sauce that comes with a “Beyond Insanity” warning. After the first two spoonfuls, DBK described, “I’ll tell you what’s happening right now with my mouth – it’s like I stood in an oven with my mouth open. And it’s just blazing.”
According to the good people at HotSauce.com, Da Bomb is comprised of pure habanero pepper, enhanced with habanero infused flavor, equaling 119,700 Scoville Units of heat. So what IS a Scoville Unit?
The Scoville Scale (named after Wilbur L. Scoville, as you all know), is used to measure the amount of capsaicin – the chemical compound found in peppers that makes your tongue burn, body sweat, ears ache, etc. I can talk about capsaicin and Scoville Heat Units (SHUs) until the cow jumps over the moon, but I’ll cut to the chase here by saying that 119,700 SHUs is extremely hot.
That’s not to say Da Bomb is more dangerous than a Carolina Reaper pepper (2.2 MILLION SHU), but it is hot enough to have you yelling “ALL OF YOUR SISTERS ARE BUTT-ASS NAKED!” while whisper-crying your way through a narrative poem LIVE on Twitch.
UGHHH… “This ominous bird of yore…”FUCK YOU ALL… “tapping, tapping at my chamber door…” YOUR MOTHER… “All my soul within me burning…”
Roughly 30 minutes into the challenge, following numerous helpings of Da Bomb and several excerpts from The Raven, DBK reported that his feet had gone numb and declared that his jejunum (the part of the small intestine between the duodenum and ileum) was totally fucked.
His genitals went into “Flight Mode” as his body tried to cope with the white, hot heat coursing through his system. His tongue was reduced to an idle blob of junk, like a pink toad that had been paralyzed by the venom of a deathstalker scorpion.
At about the 45-minute mark, DBK threw in the towel on an account of not being able to breathe. “BRING IN THE ICE CREAM!” he screamed with what could have been his last breath on God’s green Earth.
A short while thereafter, he was sitting in the emergency room explaining to a team of doctors and nurses exactly why he was vomiting lava and experiencing crippling, never-ending stomach cramps.
Here’s how it played out after DBK cut the Twitch feed, according to the man himself:
“Heart rate 67bpm. After getting up and getting poked and prodded I hopped in the ambulance. Arrived at the ER and it’s your classic ER visit, ‘What happened, When did it start? How do you feel now?’ – the basics. Then I broke the news that I guzzled hot sauce for my friends. Nobody was happy or felt sorry for me. They took blood, urine and an ultrasound. All came back good. Doctor said to lay off the hot stuff or deal with the consequences. Got McDonald’s on the way home.”
In the end, DBK was unable to finish the four bowls of ramen before literally passing out, which technically makes him 1-2 in Food Challenges thus far. But we have to remember it’s not about wins and losses, it’s about how you play the game, and there is no doubt that he is playing the game at the highest level.
Sending yourself to the hospital because you drank a near-lethal amount of pure habanero hot sauce while reciting poetry to hundreds of thousands of friends, strangers, subscribers, degenerates, vultures and women LIVE on Twitch is DBK’s “I have arrived” moment – Much the same way Poe became a household name in 1845 when The Raven was published.
Knowing that he will survive, this was hands down the funniest DBK Food Challenge to date. I speak for all of the DBK Army when I say I hope there will be more Poe readings in the future.
Sure DBK is a little dehydrated today, but he is already back in the saddle green-thumbing it in the 2K Playground. Folks, this is peak performance.