Category Archives: News

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The Cloverfield Sequel Is Coming In March

I liked Cloverfield. Wasn’t the greatest movie I ever saw but it definitely kept me interested throughout. That’s really all I got on that film, if you’re looking for character analysis and a plot breakdown come back to this site tomorrow, or the next day.

The sequel, “10 Cloverfield Lane,” comes out on March 11th, eight years after the first one, and I definitely plan on seeing it. And when I say “seeing it,” I mean illegally downloading it because this certainly isn’t a movie that is worth my $15 for a ticket, but I’ll be watching it nonetheless.

JJ Abrams hasn’t given any clues aside from saying this film is a ‘blood relative’ of Cloverfield, so perhaps this isn’t necessarily a ‘sequel’ [as my misleading title suggests] but more monsters and chaos are to be expected in this post-apocalyptic setting.

Sequel, blood relative, second cousin once removed… who gives a shit? I’m in.

 

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Blake Griffin Punched An Equipment Manager And Fractured His Hand

The Mothership:

Los Angeles Clippers forward Blake Griffin injured his right hand after hitting a member of the team’s equipment staff during an argument, multiple sources told ESPN’s Michael Eaves.

According to the sources, Griffin and the equipment staffer got into an argument in a restaurant during the team’s trip to Toronto. Griffin hit the man, who then left the restaurant and went outside. Griffin followed him outside and hit him again.

Griffin suffered a suspected fracture in his right hand in the incident, sources told ESPN’s Marc Stein and Ramona Shelburne early Tuesday morning.

The equipment staffer’s face was injured and he was treated at a local hospital, sources told Eaves. Both Griffin and the equipment staffer were sent home after the incident.

Sources told ESPN that the hand injury is expected to keep Griffin out “a matter of weeks, as opposed to days.”

The Flying Lionnnn! For all of the punishment Blake takes on the court, getting hammered on a nightly basis without showing much emotion, it is shocking that he teed off on member of the Clippers’ equipment staff.

The fact that he hit the guy once, and then followed him outside of the restaurant for round 2 means this equipment guy said some below the belt shit and I, for one, can’t wait to find out what it was that got so deep under Griffin’s skin.

Does Blake have a girlfriend? Have to believe we’re dealing with some Honey Nut Cheerios type of scenario here.

The Clips have gone 11-3 without Blake, who was supposed to return from his quad injury this week. I’m not saying someone sent this equipment staffer out on a suicide mission but I’m not saying someone didn’t either.

Or maybe this guy was just FED THE FUCK UP…

Under Armour Is Giving The Rock His Own Signature Shoe

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson announced a partnership with Under Armour a while back and today he dished out some more details about the deal which will include the ‘DJ Signature Series’ consisting of sneakers, apparel and lifestyle wear for men, women and kids.

I’m confident that the shoes will suck, but that’s not the point of this blog.

Under Armour has quietly amassed an impressive roster of signature athletes including the MVPs in baseball, basketball and [soon to be] football. Bryce Harper, Stephen Curry, Cam Newton and Jordan Spieth are all UA guys. So is Tom Brady. And now, The People’s Champ.

Nike will always reign supreme but you can’t deny that Under Armour has all of the rising stars of tomorrow locked up.

Again, I’m sure The Rock’s signature shoes and lifestyle apparel won’t have people lining up down the block but it’s worth noting that Under Armour has built a stable of high profile talent, across multiple platforms, that is more charismatic than any of the other brands.

Just waiting on the commercial where The Rock tells Nike to take that Swoosh, shine it up real nice, stick it sideways and shove it straight up their candyass.

IT’S OFFICIAL: Proud to announce our global partnership with @underarmour. A landmark deal where we’ll create the “DJ INSPIRED SERIES” of footwear, apparel & lifestyle wear for men, women and kids to chase your greatness daily. As well as support UA’s Connected Fitness initiatives. Another cool component to this deal is we’ll create product capsules in footwear, apparel and accessories inspired by the films I’m working on and the characters I’ll play. FOR EX: We’re creating innovative swimwear and cool INSPIRED SERIES rash guards I’ll be saving lives in, while trying not to trip when running in slo-motion down the beach in our big action comedy of BAYWATCH to the technologically advanced INSPIRED SERIES HOBBS gear, that he’ll kick that ass in, when we film FAST & FURIOUS 8. And here’s the best part of it all.. yes, we’ll create cool and innovative apparel, footwear and accessories for you guys to rock and hopefully be inspired by – but we’ll also help continue to build UA’s philanthropic initiative: UA FREEDOM, created to inspire, honor and support members of the US Military, First Responders and Public Safety Officials. This deal’s been years in the making and as you can now see it’s a game changer and never been done in Hollywood. And to me, the most motivating factor of this whole thing is it will always come down to me and all of you ’round the world, waking up every morning, punching that clock and putting in the hard work with our own two hands. Let’s roll and have some fun along the way.. #UA #DJ #IWill #BloodSweatAndRespect 💯👊🏾 * Link is in my bio.

A photo posted by therock (@therock) on

PORTLAND, OR - 1997:  Clifford Robinson #3 of the Portland Trail Blazers smiles during a game played in 1997 at the Rose Garden in Portland, Oregon.  NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 1997 NBAE (Photo by Steve DiPaoli/NBAE via Getty Images)

Former NBA Player, Clifford Robinson, Now Wants To Be Known As ‘Uncle Spliffy’

Former Blazer, and current blazer...

….Clifford Robinson is back in Portland but he’s now going by the name of Uncle Spliffy- because he loves weed and wants team doctors to consider treating players with bong rips instead of pharmaceuticals.

“I think I’ve always been an advocate for cannabis,” Robinson told KOIN 6 News. “(It’s) calming, calm my stomach, calm my nerves, so from that standpoint I see a lot of positives.”

“I think we definitely have to continue looking into cannabis and the benefits that it has, the health benefits that it has,  because I think it’s come leaps and bounds,” he said.

Uncle to Uncle, I fully support his efforts but if he wants to be taken seriously as a speaker at the Cannabis Collaborative Conference [which many of you obviously know as the CCC] he should consider a name change.

Uncle Spliffy reminds me of a South Park reject.

Keep it simple, Cliff. Spliff Robinson. That’s name that says, “Yeah I fucking love weed with all my heart but I’m not a walking joint, I have real life dreams and goals.”

[Via]

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Kristaps Porzingis Has The 4th Best Selling Jersey In The NBA

ESPN With the season at its midway point, New York Knicks rookie power forward Kristaps Porzingis has made an impact on the court, but off of it as well.

The fourth overall pick of the 2015 NBA draft has the fourth best selling jersey in the league based on sales from October through December at the NBA’s official online store, the league announced on Wednesday.

The three guys ahead of Porkchop Zingis? Steph Curry, LeBron and Kobe. Zingsanity has officially breached the greater New York area and the Latvian manifest destiny is sweeping the country.

A 7’3, rookie, white guy from Latvia has one of the best selling jerseys in THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION… AND HE PLAYS FOR THE KNICKS. Never in my wildest dreams.

And thus far in January? Zingsanity is posting 16.6 points and 8 rebounds per game, bringing his season’s average to 14, 8 & 2 blocks. AKA Boner Jams ’16.

That said, we all need to stay level-headed and remain calm like Kristaps PorzingiiiiiiiIiis

 

 

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Smuggling Drugs Inside Of Large Shipments Of Carrots Is The New Wave

Swallowing cocaine filled balloons and shitting them out after crossing the border is ancient drug smuggling history. That method of mule-ing is so 2000 and late.

The new wave is moving copious amounts of illegals via vegetable shipments, specifically, bundles of carrots. Straight out of the Looney Tunes playbook and I don’t hate the move, except for the fact that it doesn’t work. That’s the only snag in this whole thing.

Mixing in a few [2,817 but who’s counting?] of these orange-taped packages with the rest of real carrots seems like a recipe for success but life isn’t always fair.


Just a healthy snack? No! #CBP officers found 164 pounds of cocaine hidden in this shipment of carrots. Good eyes! #bordersecurity #lawenforcement

A photo posted by US Customs & Border Protection (@customsborder) on

Egyptian Guy Cuts Off His Own Hands For Stealing

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Source: An Egyptian man has sliced off both his hands by placing them in the path of a speeding train to overcome his stealing addiction. Ali Afifi, 28, was apparently so appalled by his habitual crimes that he took his punishment into his own hands. The young man, apparently guided by the rules of Sharia law, severed both his hands in his self-inflicted purgatory.

 

 

Any ordinary, cookie cutter Egyptian could’ve had the authorities sever his hands and be on their merry way. Not for Ali Afifi though, this guy is a showman. A showman, and a cocksman. Oh, I’ve broken in your pyramid and stolen a box of fig newtons you say? My fault, I’ll just reach underneath this here speeding train. Guy just shot a huge load all over divine law by making a fucking show out of it. Legendary beast move; would not surprise me if he’s turned into a mummy after he dies. It’s the least they could do, Ali just flipped Sharia Law on it’s head. Like I’ve said from day one; It takes a real man to admit his mistakes, but it takes a borderline Pharaoh to permanently disfigure his dick beaters by way of speeding locomotive. The repent game will never be the same.

 

Scientology Church Being Built in Harlem

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NYDN: The Church of Scientology is building a multimillion-dollar chapel and community center on E. 125th St. — part of a new effort to expand the sect’s base from Hollywood to urban areas.

“We are creating a new renaissance in Harlem,” crowed Phil Hargrow, executive director of the Church of Scientology and Community Center of Harlem. “The people in Harlem are looking for ways to further educate themselves.”

The Church of Scientology, trashed by critics as a power-hungry, money-grubbing cult, opened a similar site in gang-heavy Inglewood, Calif., in 2011. Centers in rough-and-tumble areas of Chicago and Philadelphia are also being built.

“Scientology is losing people. They are focusing on recruitment,” said Andreas Heldal-Lund, who runs anti-Scientology website Operation Clambake. “They are trying new avenues to find people who will pay for their truths.” Some uptown residents remained skeptical, insisting they wouldn’t be duped by the flashy new digs.

 

I’ve got to believe this is the biggest, sure-fire flop in the history of man. Scientologists mean to tell me their plan on expansion is to trick a bunch of street savvy thugs into believing God is an alien? An alien who will one day fly a spacecraft into Earth, shoot lightning bolts out of his dick, and create a post apocalyptic utopia? I don’t know if that’s what Scientology is, but I also don’t know that isn’t what Scientology is.

Anyway you slice it, a bunch of old, white, space cadets handing out martian pamphlets in the middle of Harlem is the definition of desperate. I’m pretty sure Papi, Boogie and Tito can spot a setup. Especially when it includes boarding passes to Jupiter or whatever the fuck goes on in a Scientology parish.

This experiment will be as successful as the time my buddy mixed tequila/apple juice and tried to say it was a good combination. SPOILER ALERT: He turned a gruesome shade of GREEN, became violently ill, “allegedly” pissed on my couch, and tongued the toilet bowl for the entire night. I.E: Scientology in Harlem is fucked.