Hypothetical: Silk Dick vs. Velour Cock. Who Ya Got?

purple-silk

OR

Velours_Gaudi_1


A hypothetical debate as old as time. Would you rather have a dick made of silk, or velour? I posed this question to a group who’d been drinking heavily for approximately 3 days and it was almost a unanimous vote. However, taking into account the fact that nobody could even form a sentence, its worth revisiting. Both have something to offer so let’s take a closer look at the structure of these mythical cocks.

First off, velour will shrink when dried. Ive never owned anything velour because I wasn’t raised by douchebags, but I have done the research. Huge factor. Cannot overstate the potential dick death sentence of permanently shrinking your hammer. Just total devastation in the crotchal region for the rest of your days. That means a lifetime of hang drying after showers. Certainly not the worst thing in the world. But if you forget and take a towel to your nuts…boom, goodbye dick.

Silk, on the other hand, needs to be hand washed. Delicate dick. That means no quick scrub and out of the shower if you plan on even having any dick to speak of. A time consuming process at best, and the upkeep could cost a small fortune (there’s a pun there). I also read on Yahoo! Answers, “Many inexpensive and poorly woven silks may fade, become stiff, change texture or lose their sheen when hand washed.” Jesus Christ. If there is one thing I don’t want, it’s for my dick to lose its fucking sheen 5 years into my prime. Or to have a 24/7 raging stiffy? Yikes. The solution here would be to splurge on the finest silk and pray it doesn’t turn into a dingy, broken down artifact until you’re at least 65.

Id be willing to bet 90% of chicks would prefer old silk dick over velour. The other 10% being sickos, convicts and/or Staten Island sloots. Silk is such a rare item I don’t even remember the last time I saw it, let alone stroked it. So the mystery and intrigue is definitely there for the ladies.

Thus, my answer: Silk. Spend some extra cash. Ball out sultan style and have the most luxurious, flawlessly woven, sheened-out, hand-washed hammer in all the land.

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