World’s Worst Bridal Party Falls into Lake

Gawker: A bride and groom in Georgia thought they had avoided being soaked by an expected rainfall that never materialized, but wound up getting wet anyway when their entire bridal party — 29 bridesmaids and groomsmen in all — fell into Lake Lanier after the dock they were taking photos on collapsed. “It seemed magical that the rain held off,” Patricia Fearon (née Matthew) told Good Morning America.

“It didn’t matter because we all got dumped in the lake anyways.”Though one bridesmaid did break a few bones and other party members suffered minor bruising, the wedding was far from ruined.”No one complained even though a lot of iPhones were damaged,” said groom Frank Fearon. “All of them laughed it off, went and got toweled off and danced the night away.”

Listen- Im no wedding expert, but 29 people is a ludicrous amount of bridesmaids/groomsmen. People in the bridal party are supposed to feel like they’re on an all-star team. It is essentially your coolest friends compiled into one team, separate from all the other slugs you associate with. A badge of honor, if you will. Bragging rights for life, or at least until the divorce.

Like voting for the all-star game- Everybody can’t make it into the bridal party, you have to make cuts. Sure, they’re all valid candidates, but you can’t dilute the pool by selecting anyone other than the absolute studs. You have to be cold blooded and heartless. Otherwise, you end up with 29 fucking people taking photos on a floating dock. Turn the page, you’re all swimming in Lake Lanier because Frank and Patricia Fearon are too damn soft to have a normal sized bridal party.

PS- The only thing worse than a football sized bridal party is a wedding with a cash bar. Open bar or cancel the wedding altogether.

PPS- Love weddings. Somebody get married and invite me.

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