Japan’s Last Ninja? You Fuckin Wish.

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Gawker: Masters in the dark arts of espionage and silent assassination, they are rarely seen and never heard… until they strike. Employed by samurai warlords to spy, sabotage and kill, they are relics of an ancient code that have all but died out in the modern age. All but one. As the 21st head of the Ban clan, a dynasty of secret spies that can trace its history back some 500 years, 63-year-old engineer Jinichi Kawakami is Japan’s last ninja. He is trained to hear a needle drop in the next room, to disappear in a cloud of smoke or to cut a victim’s throat from 20 paces with nothing more than a two-inch ‘death star’.

‘I think I’m called (the last ninja) as there is probably no other person who learned all the skills that were directly handed down from ninja masters over the last five centuries,’ he said. ‘Ninjas proper no longer exist.’

But Kawakami has decided to let the art die with him because ninjas ‘just don’t fit with modern day’, adding: ‘We can’t try out murder or poisons. Even if we can follow the instructions to make a poison, we can’t try it out.

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I’m a ninja and I hold all the deep secrets of ninja assassins dating back to feudal Japan! And I’m taking it all to the grave! Grow up. Ninjas aren’t real. They’re like genies. And this guy’s act sucks if you ask me. Doesn’t even sound like he knows anything at all. Can disappear in a cloud of smoke’? You think that qualifies you to become Japan’s last ninja? Ill drop a pack of smoke bombs on the ground and you won’t see me until next Saturday.

We can’t try out murder or poisons. Even if we can follow the instructions to make a poison, we can’t try it out.’  What the hell is going on? Ninjas are supposed to be quiet, swift with a sword, and fast as shit. This guy is talking about vanishing behind a smoke screen, and making potions. Is this Harry Potter’s 3rd semester at Hogwart’s or the world’s last ninja who holds 500 years of secrets? I’m not buying it.

Can “cut a victim’s throat from 20 paces with nothing more than a two-inch ‘death star’.” 20 fucking paces, huh?

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Yeah right. He doesn’t even know how to old a fucking dagger. Sweet grip. I’d bury his dead ass from 60 paces. Also, I haven’t brushed up on 500 years worth of ninja instructions but I’m positive ninjas never wear pinky rings. Talk about amateur hour. You’re making the Ban Clan look like shit.

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