i

What’s The Next Big Sports Record To Fall?

While Adam Morrison, Don Cheadle and the rest of Hollywood’s A-listers were cumming themselves all over the Staples Center last night (and rightfully so), Steph Curry and co. were busy recording their 73rd win of the season across the bay.

Note: Whenever you’re talking about Oakland or wherever it is that Golden State plays it’s perfectly acceptable to refer to it as ‘across the bay’ even if you have no idea what you’re talking about.

The 95-96 Bulls’ iconic 72-10 record, the record that spawned a $220 Air Jordan 11 earlier this year, is now second fiddle thanks to Curry’s 402 made 3s. Nobody ever thought a team would be able to eclipse the 72-win season, unless it was in a video game, but it happened and now I’m hungry for more records.

The Q: Which of the major records in all of sports will be the next to fall?

DiMaggio’s 56-game hitting streak?

Wilt’s 100 point game?

The ’72 Dolphins running the table AND winning the SB?

Bonds’ 73 homeruns?

That really cool hockey stat?

The list is long and I don’t have all of the answers but I do know that the most attainable one is an NFL team winning every game and going on to win the Super Bowl. If it weren’t for Eli Manning and those meddling kids, that record would’ve been broken in 2012.

Of course, this is all assuming we’re not including the 3-point record (the one that Steph breaks every year) in this discussion, because we all know he’s going to break 402 once there are teams that can compete and he’s actually forced to play in the 4th quarter.

You can kiss the homerun records goodbye thanks to the steroid police, unless of course someone breaks the record in which case I will retract this statement. Baseball also has a shit load of absurd pitching records that will never be broken because the league has gone soft and throwing a ball until your arm falls of is frowned upon nowadays. What gives.

Wilt’s 100 point record is an interesting one but I just don’t ever see a player dumping in triple digits in a single night ever again. Again, unless it actually happens.

On the other side of the coin, there are the records that nobody wants. The 9-win Sixers team almost had their all-time worst record broke this season… but Philly managed to scrap up 10 wins. Tanking is all the rage and it’s only a matter of time until someone puts up 5 wins for the year. Or an NFL team losing every single game a la the Tampa Bay Bucs (when they wore the creamsicle uniforms, as told by Chris Berman). But nobody really gives a fuck about those records.

The record I would most like to see broken, or at least HOTLY chased, has to be Bonds’ HR record. When the Mark McGwire’s, Sammy Sosa’s, and Barry Bonds of the world were pimping moon shots on a nightly basis every at-bat was must watch. Kids glued to their tvs, women masturbating for each long ball, grown men acting like neanderthals for a piece of baseball history. That’s the baseball I know and love. That’s the joy that steroids brings. Make baseball juicy again.

In conclusion, this started as a fun, super zany hypothetical about immortal sports records and ended with a testimonial about why we need HGH in sports more than ever.

Mamba out.

Leave a Reply