2013 Little League World Series Recap

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 This post may come off as being an insensitive, machismo rant. And it is.

The little league world series wrapped up on Sunday and the Japanese team won it all. Congrats to them. Just kidding, who gives a shit.

The bigger issue at hand is the amount of crying that goes on during the LLWS. Crying, pouting, sobbing, bitching, whimpering, sulking, yadda yadda yadda. I’m not even talking about after a tough loss in the biggest game of their lives either. Because that could be devastating, although I wouldn’t know because I don’t think my team came in anything other than first place growing up. Nighthawks, bitch.

I’m speaking on the type of shit that routinely happens after an error or a strike out. These kids are 12-13 years old; that’s like 8th fucking grade. Have a little pride boys. Not like you’re on national television or anything. At least try to not be a total jellyfish in front of planet Earth. At the very least keep your composure for 10 seconds and then go HAM on an entire box of Kleenex, if thats your thing. I’ve got to believe that if I fathered one of these crybaby wastoids I’d be leaving them in Williamsport.

Maybe it’s because I was too busy winning championships and hanging banners at the local little league field as a kid to understand it all, but I just cant wrap my brain around all the hysterics. I mean, that’s got to be it. I was just too accustomed to pissing excellence and collecting trophies to ever fathom crying on a baseball diamond.

With that, it’s probably time to lay the groundwork for my Little League workshop. Like when rookies in the NFL, NBA learn how to not do drugs and solicit whores on road trips. Except, we’ll focus on not crying and tarnishing your family name.

Either way, I know I’m in the majority when I say these kids need to keep their waterworks in check. If you’re going to completely lose your shit after bobbling a ground ball just wait until next year when your summer antics have gone viral and O’Doyle buries your deadass in the High School cafeteria. Please, get a grip fellas. And if you get hit by a pitch, for Christ’s sake, don’t rub it. This isn’t RainbowLand.

PS- Just noticed the ump in the top right picture is holding a cat, and it is amazing.

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