Scientology Church Being Built in Harlem

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NYDN: The Church of Scientology is building a multimillion-dollar chapel and community center on E. 125th St. — part of a new effort to expand the sect’s base from Hollywood to urban areas.

“We are creating a new renaissance in Harlem,” crowed Phil Hargrow, executive director of the Church of Scientology and Community Center of Harlem. “The people in Harlem are looking for ways to further educate themselves.”

The Church of Scientology, trashed by critics as a power-hungry, money-grubbing cult, opened a similar site in gang-heavy Inglewood, Calif., in 2011. Centers in rough-and-tumble areas of Chicago and Philadelphia are also being built.

“Scientology is losing people. They are focusing on recruitment,” said Andreas Heldal-Lund, who runs anti-Scientology website Operation Clambake. “They are trying new avenues to find people who will pay for their truths.” Some uptown residents remained skeptical, insisting they wouldn’t be duped by the flashy new digs.

 

I’ve got to believe this is the biggest, sure-fire flop in the history of man. Scientologists mean to tell me their plan on expansion is to trick a bunch of street savvy thugs into believing God is an alien? An alien who will one day fly a spacecraft into Earth, shoot lightning bolts out of his dick, and create a post apocalyptic utopia? I don’t know if that’s what Scientology is, but I also don’t know that isn’t what Scientology is.

Anyway you slice it, a bunch of old, white, space cadets handing out martian pamphlets in the middle of Harlem is the definition of desperate. I’m pretty sure Papi, Boogie and Tito can spot a setup. Especially when it includes boarding passes to Jupiter or whatever the fuck goes on in a Scientology parish.

This experiment will be as successful as the time my buddy mixed tequila/apple juice and tried to say it was a good combination. SPOILER ALERT: He turned a gruesome shade of GREEN, became violently ill, “allegedly” pissed on my couch, and tongued the toilet bowl for the entire night. I.E: Scientology in Harlem is fucked.

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