Yahoo: KENAI, Alaska (AP) — J.D. Megchelsen holds the record for giant pumpkins in Alaska, and the Nikiski gardener knew he had a candidate this year to beat the record of 1,287 pounds set in 2011.
But when a boom truck gently lifted the behemoth on Monday with rigging and a sling, the big pumpkin revealed a big disappointment: a thumb-size hole that will make it ineligible for the competition at the Alaska State Fair in Palmer. Entries must be free of rot, chemical residue and serious soft spots. They can’t have holes or cracks that reach the pumpkin cavity.
“It’s just killing him,” said Pam Elkins, Megchelsen’s sister-in-law. “He eats, sleeps and dreams pumpkins. All he does is pumpkins.”
The hole likely opened the first week of August when the fruit hit its peak growth spurt of 41 pounds in 24 hours. That happened two days in a row, he said. When the pumpkin was hand-pollinated June 5, it was the size of a cherry tomato.
I don’t know as much about pumpkins as a I do about animals and winning championships, but even I know that June 5th is not the pumpkin harvest. Hand pollinating in June? Get a clue J.D, pumpkins are October and November. You start planting seeds anytime before September and you’re really just begging for a rotten, mushy piece of squash.
“All you do is pumpkins”? Get a new hobby bozo. 2011 was your prime and now you’re just stringing out your career a la Brett Favre. You had the competition by the balls, setting records left and right, firing off dick pics at your hearts content to local pumpkin groupies. But then life happened. You just threw a gift interception, in OT, in the playoffs to seal your fate. Time to pack it up and keep it moving. Honestly think I’d out-pumpkin the shit out of this guy, and my farm game ain’t even that strong.
Also, can you even farm in Alaska? I’m convinced this guy only holds the record because there’s no competition, Nebraska has to be the cream of the crop for farmers, trust me I’m huge on geography: