Monthly Archives: January 2016

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Lil Wayne Is Still Alive And He’s Starring In A Super Bowl Ad

Lil Wayne is still relevant enough to land himself a roll in a Super Bowl commercial, one which co-stars George Washington and some buns.

The commercial is for Apartments.com and I couldn’t care less about it, but the fact that Weezy is still landing gigs during the Super Bowl is pretty impressive. I know he’s still rapping/doing lean and will always be a big draw but ever since he started doing that X-Games shit I considered him dead.

As for the commercial, if Birdman doesn’t have an appearance as Wayne’s “roommate” it will have been a failure.

::rubs hands together:: ::pigeons fly across George Washington’s bow::

“Oh you got them buns G Dub?”

::rubs hands again::

/fade to black

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Knicks Lost To OKC, But Porzingis Continued To Porzingis

Even without Melo, the Knicks should’ve beat the Thunder last night at MSG. Yeah they got crushed on the glass but they were moving the ball like a hot potato, Langston Galloway chipped in a team-high 21 points coming off the bench, and we had a lead heading into the fourth.

But, for as smooth as the offense looked for 3 quarters without Melo, when it came down to winning time we couldn’t get the buckets that the stars, Durant and Westbrook, were getting. You knew it was it was going to be a bitch to find some points in crunch time without Carmelo on the floor but didn’t make the pill any easier to swallow.

I’m not for moral victories, especially when the game was within our grasp, but one major takeaway is how confident Kristaps Porzingis looks even when going up against two of the Top-5 players in the league. The books will show that he only had two blocks and one steal but his impact on defense was palpable.

The best part about his blocks, showcased by his stuff on Westbrook last night, is his ability to keep the ball in play giving the team an opportunity for some quick transition points. We might’ve been a -16 with Zinger on the floor last night but numbers always lie (eye test > everything), and what I saw from Kristaps last night was inspiring. And that’s nothing new because he has been nothing short of sensational thus far in his rookie year, but it’s worth acknowledging how impressive he is against the NBA’s elite.

 

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Pizza Hut Introduces Tater-Tot Crust Pizza

When I feel like ordering some strange, it has always been Domino’s over Pizza Hut [touch the fence if you said Papa John’s]. Can’t tell you the last time I’ve had Pizza Hut but it’s good to know they’re still innovating the game, with the latest being tater-tot and garlic knot laden crusts.

Fucking love me some tots, but the problem is this Pizza Hut recipe is strictly available in New Zealand. To be honest I wasn’t entirely sure they even had pizza in New Zealand, let alone pizza with tater tots, so color me impressed. And garlic knot crust? It’s 2016 and that’s never been done before? Really makes you wonder what else we’re missing out on*

We’re still a long way from french fries & oreos or peanut butter & gumballs, but I fully support Pizza Hut’s relentless efforts to catch up to Dominos by pushing the envelope with bizarre crusts.

*A brief list of things we may be missing out on:

-Chicken wing crust. Sounds great in theory but the execution would probably suck

-Jamaican Beef Patty crust

-Knish crust. Potatoes are my #1. Give me a mashed potato and gravy crust if you want.

-Bacon stuffed crust. They’ve probably already done this and if that’s the case, I’m so sorry

-Veggie stuffed crust because I like to watch the world burn

 

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Gilbert Arenas Is Back, Trashing Chicks From Flint With No Water!

Backstory: There is a MASSIVE water issue in Flint, Michigan.

Naturally, Gilbert Arenas found a way to insert himself into this tragedy by taking jabs at the women of Flint on IG who have been “washing that ass with #dirtyleadwater for months.” He’s also using his instagram account [which has since been deleted] to advise all of Flint’s thots to keep that #sourpuss out of his DMs.

I have absolutely zero knowledge of the current situation in Flint, but if their ordeal is half as bad as it seems these hoes are within their Constitutional right to murder Agent Zero for his ridicule. Not having water and not being able to shower is the fucking worst and that’s coming from a guy who has maybe not had access to hot water for a grand total of 10 hours in his entire life.

Stick and stones and blah blah blah, all of that goes out the window when you can’t shower and some bozo is calling you a sourpuss thot on social media. Thems the rules.

Side note: Gilbert Arenas strikes me as one of those guys that absolutely fucking stinks. We all know one. Whether he showers in Fiji water or the springs of Lake Minnetonka, there’s no doubt in my mind that this guy just reeks like a fish tank stuffed with gym socks at all times.

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The Cloverfield Sequel Is Coming In March

I liked Cloverfield. Wasn’t the greatest movie I ever saw but it definitely kept me interested throughout. That’s really all I got on that film, if you’re looking for character analysis and a plot breakdown come back to this site tomorrow, or the next day.

The sequel, “10 Cloverfield Lane,” comes out on March 11th, eight years after the first one, and I definitely plan on seeing it. And when I say “seeing it,” I mean illegally downloading it because this certainly isn’t a movie that is worth my $15 for a ticket, but I’ll be watching it nonetheless.

JJ Abrams hasn’t given any clues aside from saying this film is a ‘blood relative’ of Cloverfield, so perhaps this isn’t necessarily a ‘sequel’ [as my misleading title suggests] but more monsters and chaos are to be expected in this post-apocalyptic setting.

Sequel, blood relative, second cousin once removed… who gives a shit? I’m in.

 

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I’ll Give This Guy’s Igloo A Solid 8 Out Of 10

Let me preface this by saying I’ve never been an igloo guy. Never made one, don’t think I’ve ever been inside one, and really have no general desire to do either of the two. That’s a lie, I would like to get inside a nice igloo at least once before I die.

Which brings me to this guy’s luxurious ice pad.

I deducted some points for the sheer fact that unless you’re laying down there’s no way this is remotely functional. Can’t give this space a score higher than an 8/10 if a simple indian style seating position is impossible.

That said, the effort was A1 – got a couple of shelves stocked with some beers, a beautiful birch sliding door leading into the foyer and enough room to masturbate until your dick turns blue.

Overall time spent in this igloo, though? Probably 15-20 minutes. Just enough time to smoke a joint and have a beer before realizing that your couch and tv are mere feet away. Unless of course this guy is married, in which case he will remain in this icy paradise until Punxsutawney Phil comes out of his burrow and melts all of the snow with his wand.

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Blake Griffin Punched An Equipment Manager And Fractured His Hand

The Mothership:

Los Angeles Clippers forward Blake Griffin injured his right hand after hitting a member of the team’s equipment staff during an argument, multiple sources told ESPN’s Michael Eaves.

According to the sources, Griffin and the equipment staffer got into an argument in a restaurant during the team’s trip to Toronto. Griffin hit the man, who then left the restaurant and went outside. Griffin followed him outside and hit him again.

Griffin suffered a suspected fracture in his right hand in the incident, sources told ESPN’s Marc Stein and Ramona Shelburne early Tuesday morning.

The equipment staffer’s face was injured and he was treated at a local hospital, sources told Eaves. Both Griffin and the equipment staffer were sent home after the incident.

Sources told ESPN that the hand injury is expected to keep Griffin out “a matter of weeks, as opposed to days.”

The Flying Lionnnn! For all of the punishment Blake takes on the court, getting hammered on a nightly basis without showing much emotion, it is shocking that he teed off on member of the Clippers’ equipment staff.

The fact that he hit the guy once, and then followed him outside of the restaurant for round 2 means this equipment guy said some below the belt shit and I, for one, can’t wait to find out what it was that got so deep under Griffin’s skin.

Does Blake have a girlfriend? Have to believe we’re dealing with some Honey Nut Cheerios type of scenario here.

The Clips have gone 11-3 without Blake, who was supposed to return from his quad injury this week. I’m not saying someone sent this equipment staffer out on a suicide mission but I’m not saying someone didn’t either.

Or maybe this guy was just FED THE FUCK UP…