Monthly Archives: June 2013

This Guy Fucked Up

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DailyMail: A 36-year-old man in Orange County, Florida has been convicted of first-degree murder for decapitating a neighbor after the killer’s mom had wrongly outed the man as a pedophile. Robert Eugene Vasquez, faces life without parole when he is sentenced in August, after he was found guilty of slashing Bobby Ray Rainwater Jr.’s throat and separately assaulting a second man. Vasquez claims he had become concerned for the safety of his girlfriend after his mom told him Rainwater was a registered sex offender.

Vasquez fled the scene and was staying with Lance Lyons, when two days later he attacked Lyons with a metal mallet and smashed his face in. Fortunately Lyons’ brother stopped Vasquez from taking a second swing, as the first strike had already caused major injuries to Lyons’ nose and mouth.

I like to try to protect my family. … He’s not going to go in there and rape my [expletive] chick,’ Vasquez had told investigators, reports OC Weekly.

 

Another notch in the belt for Florida becoming the craziest place in the Universe. Just a classic mixup. One minute you’re a vigilante superstar, turn the page and you’re a fucking goat because you slaughtered a random civilian and bashed your roommate’s grill into oblivion. Can’t even blame mom on this one, gotta do your own research bro. You like to protect your family. That’s cool. We get that. But you still gotta open a book, bust out some highlighters and do some old school investigating before shredding the neighborhood to peices. All in all, I think Bobby Ray Rainwater Jr. is a Hall of Fame type name, and that’s what I’m taking away from this story.

This SF Giants Fan Is A Real Dick

Hey take it easy kid, your dad just took a heater off of his fucking heart. He probably can’t even breathe and you’re wailing away at him. Gotta suck to have a kid like this. You spend a fortune buying tickets. Spend a fortune buying him an authentic jersey and knishes and all types of shit at the game. Then you try and corral a screaming line drive for him, only to have it bounce off your hands. And then he publicly humiliates you and you can’t even enjoy the game after that. Fucking kids, man. If this guy isn’t crying under these sunglasses, he’s definitely crying on the inside:

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PS: I catch that ball with a beer in one hand.

Double PS: 100% Yes on that blonde. If that’s his wife, it makes up for having a total brat for a son.

First Look: Red Yeezy 2’s

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The first on-foot images of the Red Yeezy 2 sneakers, reportedly being released in October. There’s been a lot of hype around the all red design with the gold tipped laces and these are the first, clear pictures of them. I generally think Kanye is a total doucher, but I am a closet fan of the Yeezy 2’s. Albeit, I won’t be spending $2,500 for a pair on the reseller’s market.

Is This Baby Really Swimming Or Am I An Idiot?

I guess this is real? Either way, this lady couldn’t care less whether that baby lives or dies. Because I was sure Elizabeth was about to sink like a lead balloon at about the 45 second mark, and that bitch didn’t even flinch. Also, teaching your kid to be an awesome swimmer is basically giving them a one way ticket to LOSERTOWN, USA. Swimmers are loners who only hang out with other squids and jellyfish. Fact.

A Study On Cheating Wives

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DailyMail: Cheating wives not only spend more on shopping than faithful ones, but they also tend to flock to certain stores – like Banana Republic, J Crew and Macy’s. In a survey conducted by AshleyMadison.com, a dating website specializing in extramarital affairs, the ten most popular stores for female adulterers also include Ann Taylor, H&M, and bebe. And of the 52,390 female members of the website that were polled, more than a third admitted spending double on their appearance after straying from their other half – and 27% said they even have a secret credit card to fund their new purchases.

Hmm.. What a coincidence, I shop exclusively at those three stores. Better keep my eyes peeled out there, don’t want to get mauled by a cougar or anything… What a stupid fucking study though. No shit these squaws are spending double on their appearance once they split. Its called actually trying to look good. Get with the program. Once these old lassies get a ring they generally pack it up and call it a life. But even the hottest cougs know, they’re not gonna pull any studs wearing an apron. Their only option is to make up for lost time, spend double the money, and prowl at the nearest Banana Republic/J Crew. Killing 2 birds with one stone really.

Assclown Driving With A Shit Ton Of Paint Crashes His Car

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KomoNews: MASON COUNTY, Wash. — A Tuesday afternoon car crash near Belfair left a man and his dog shaken and covered in paint. Washington State Patrol trooper Russ Winger said the driver was alone with his dog on SR-302 southwest of Belfair when he somehow lost control of his SUV and went off the road just after 3 p.m. The man was hauling buckets of paint, which went flying on impact and left the man, his dog and the SUV coated in paint.

 

Fear not, the dog was uninjured and a nearby resident bathed him to remove the paint. Thank God. Pump the brakes man, you’re driving with a doggie on board and enough paint to make Sherwin-Williams blush. Quit cutting corners and learn how to control your rig.

Still Hate Dwight Howard

I’ve said it before, I am not a fan of Dwight Howard. Haven’t been since day 1. I won’t dive into all the reasons because I’m having a fairly good day and don’t feel like pissing myself off. I will say however, the L.A Lakers are foolish to be putting up these billboards:

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#STAYD12 might be my least favorite hashtag in the history of the internet. You are the fucking Los Angeles Lakers. He is a cry baby bitch that can’t harness his talent into anything worthwhile. I can’t understand why they’re going above and beyond to kiss this guys dick. If he wants to stay, fine. But by NO means would I be willing to beg. And with the human weasel, Chris Broussard, reporting that Dwight is not interested in returning, I’d say good riddance. Thanks for coming out. Thank god I root for an organization with class, dignity, and integrity.