NYDN: Jaden Smith, 14, stepped out on what appeared to be a group date with gal pal Kylie Jenner, 15, donning a red and gold “Iron Man” suit Wednesday in New York City. The foursome shopped in Times Square and then dined out at Japanese restaurant Nobu 57. Jenner and the other friends were not even close to being dressed in anything resembling a costume.
Apparently, these two are dating. Who gives a shit. What kind of asshole wears a halloween costume to hang out? Outside of the slugs that troll Times Square, the answer is nobody. What’s your angle? He kind of looks like the little brother that you have to escort around so he can trick-or-treat. When all you really want to do is drink vodka out of a water bottle, smoke weed, and egg houses with your friends. But you cant because you have to babysit the moron with the mask. He is literally trying his hardest to get in the mix with the cool kids. I’m surprised Kylie didn’t terminate his deadass on site. Not to mention it was the hottest fucking day of the year. Sweet stunt, ironman. Can’t believe big Willy style let his seed go out like a lead balloon. Disgrace.
PS- Sex tape in 2017. Book it.
NYPost: Neighbors in Amanda Bynes’ apartment building describe living with the wigged-out starlet as “like living with Linda Blair in ‘The Exorcist.’ ” One told us, “She stares you out in the elevator. Residents are terrified to be alone with her. She knocked on one woman’s door, and when it opened, she screamed ‘You’re ugly,’ and ran away. Amanda always seems to be alone, muttering to herself and looking completely out of it.” The resident said management as well as neighbors in Bynes’ West 47th Street building are fed up with her antics in the lobby, elevators and public corridors. The source added, “The day before her arrest, she arrived in a cab and ran upstairs, leaving the driver shrieking that she owed him $150. She left her cellphone in the cab. The good news is, she hasn’t been seen in the building since her arrest.”
Going to make this as brief as possible, as it doesn’t need much discussion, but needs to be addressed all the same. I haven’t been following this meltdown too closely but anyone who is anyone knows Bynes has completely gone Linda Blair on us. Perfect description by ‘the neighbor’. Albeit, Amanda’s ding-dong-ditch “you’re ugly” prank is top shelf. Everything else with this broad seems straight off the pages of a horror story. Staring kids down in the elevator, muttering to herself on the reg., I wouldn’t want to be alone with this sicko either. She’s 1000% blowing Charlie Sheen right out of the water. All his “tiger blood”, “epic pornstar orgies”, and “winning” rants seem like absolute childs play. Bynes is in a league of her own at this point. I mean what kind of psychopath throws a perfectly good bong out the window? A Linda Blair kind, that’s who.
Cincinnati.com: A 39-year-old Linwood man pleaded no contest Wednesday to streaking naked and drunk through his yard and then hiding in his neighbor’s dryer. Shaun Welsh was arrested just before 1 a.m. on a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct while intoxicated at 3749 Hutton St., Hamilton County court records show. According to Cincinnati police, Welsh was “very intoxicated” at the time of his arrest.
Well at least they confirmed he was “very intoxicated.” I was on the fence about that. Now, since that’s out of the way… 39? Really, bro? I’m assuming you’re not homeless because you have neighbors. Therefore, there is no excuse to be sloshed and naked in someones dryer. What a rookie move going in the dryer too. Got to go washing machine, if anything. Put that shit on heavy duty perm press and swan dive. Everybody knows the best thing to do when you’re so fucking drunk that you’re running around in the nude is to hit the showers. Blackout101. Personally, I end up in the shower 9/10 when I’m shitbag wastoid drunk. The other 1/10 is when I pass out en route to the bathroom. It’s just natural. Got to get your brain back ASAP, and the only way is with the life-giving element of h20. The absolute last place to be is somewhere scolding hot. Can you imagine sticking your head in a dryer after 10 beers, 6 tequila shots, and an LIT? I just vomited.
PS- Sweet ginger beard-helmet Shaun. Get a grip, you’re almost 40.
DailyMail: Getting married can be a daunting prospect, but this bride has a good reason to look terrified.. she is being chased by a menacing T-Rex. The amusing photo is the creation of Quinn Miller, 22, who digitally added the giant dinosaur chasing the entire wedding party out of the ceremony. Mr Miller took the shot at the wedding of Katie Young, 23, and James Lowder, 21, from Louisiana at The Myrtles Plantation on Sunday.
I’m just going to ignore the fact that some 21 year old idiot got married. Because this couple just won wedding party pictures. I’d share some insight as to what I did for photos when I was in wedding parties but I was so blackout wasted I can’t recall. I just hope these losers from yesterday take notes, get divorced, and then get remarried so that they can do it right. Total opposite ends of the spectrum this week in weddings. Weddings, fucking love ’em.
CUE THE VIDEO:
A hypothetical debate as old as time. Would you rather have a dick made of silk, or velour? I posed this question to a group who’d been drinking heavily for approximately 3 days and it was almost a unanimous vote. However, taking into account the fact that nobody could even form a sentence, its worth revisiting. Both have something to offer so let’s take a closer look at the structure of these mythical cocks.
First off, velour will shrink when dried. Ive never owned anything velour because I wasn’t raised by douchebags, but I have done the research. Huge factor. Cannot overstate the potential dick death sentence of permanently shrinking your hammer. Just total devastation in the crotchal region for the rest of your days. That means a lifetime of hang drying after showers. Certainly not the worst thing in the world. But if you forget and take a towel to your nuts…boom, goodbye dick.
Silk, on the other hand, needs to be hand washed. Delicate dick. That means no quick scrub and out of the shower if you plan on even having any dick to speak of. A time consuming process at best, and the upkeep could cost a small fortune (there’s a pun there). I also read on Yahoo! Answers, “Many inexpensive and poorly woven silks may fade, become stiff, change texture or lose their sheen when hand washed.” Jesus Christ. If there is one thing I don’t want, it’s for my dick to lose its fucking sheen 5 years into my prime. Or to have a 24/7 raging stiffy? Yikes. The solution here would be to splurge on the finest silk and pray it doesn’t turn into a dingy, broken down artifact until you’re at least 65.
Id be willing to bet 90% of chicks would prefer old silk dick over velour. The other 10% being sickos, convicts and/or Staten Island sloots. Silk is such a rare item I don’t even remember the last time I saw it, let alone stroked it. So the mystery and intrigue is definitely there for the ladies.
Thus, my answer: Silk. Spend some extra cash. Ball out sultan style and have the most luxurious, flawlessly woven, sheened-out, hand-washed hammer in all the land.
These posterizing videos are great and I’m furious I never though of it myself. DeAndre Jordan steamrolling a hot blonde is as close to a 100/100 as these videos will ever get. So everyone can stop now because its all downhill from here.