Category Archives: As Seen On TV

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Allen Iverson Is Officially Headed To The HOF And He Also Murdered Reebok

Today in SPORTS:

Reebok’s greatest athlete of all time, Allen Iverson, is officially headed to the Basketball Hall Of Fame, in a surprise to literally no one.

As someone who has an extensively mediocre knowledge of basketball sneakers, I thought A.I would bring out his special ‘HOF’ edition of the Reebok Question- or something along those lines- to commemorate the momentous occasion.

You know, something that he could wear and promote as he makes the media rounds? I mean, he still dresses like it’s the 90s so why wouldn’t he want to celebrate his HOF selection with the most iconic sneakers from his playing days? Something where he can sit down for an interview and be like, “Hi Rece Davis, being the greatest pound-for-pound player in NBA history is really fucking dope and being a first ballot HOFer is phat as all hell, but let me just point your attention to these Reebok Questions which you can score for a limited time at Reebok.com and Eastbay.”

Or…. he could just give two giant, cement-printed middle fingers to the brand that gave him a lifetime deal and still churns out new models of his shoes by kicking up his feet in a pair of Js. AND HE DID!

RIP Reebok. You were basically dead already but now that the TGI Fridays eating, strip club dwelling, leather fitted wearing, practice ranting icon has ditched you… it’s curtains.

He said it himself in today’s interview: “I wasn’t a point guard. I was a killer.” And today, on the day he was officially announced as a Hall Of Famer on ESPN, he murdered the Reebok brand in cold blood.

At least they got the rub from Shaq at Wrestlemania last night…

[For optimal viewing pleasure, stare at the picture below while simultaneously clicking the video beneath said picture]

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Note: The ‘Cement’ Air Jordan 4 will now be referred to as the ‘Allen Iverson HOF 2016’ Jordan 4s for the rest of eternity and saying otherwise would be both ignorant and churlish.

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I Approve Of Tim Legler’s Solution To Tanking In The NBA

Tim Legler presented any idea today on Russillo & Kanell that would take away the incentive for NBA teams to intentionally lose in hopes of landing the #1 pick in the draft. It’s probably an idea that has been kicked around before, but I am all the way in on it.

In short: The 14 teams that don’t make the playoffs would be seeded 1-14 in a one game elimination tournament with the ultimate prize being the #1 pick in the NBA Draft. Each of the 7 losing teams from the first round would then be entered into a raffle, in which an octopus would select one franchise that has to relinquish their social media duties to Magic Johnson for the following season. The possibility of losing hundreds of thousands of followers with a couple of braindead tweets from Magic could be enough to scare these teams straight. I just went a little off the rails there but it’s something Adam Silver might want to consider.

For this idea to work, the league would have to take about a 10-day break from the end of the regular season until the start of the (real) playoffs, which is when the Draft Tournament would take place. Not ideal to have a 10 day layoff, but people would 100% watch these games- especially if their shitbag organization actually has a chance to land the #1 pick.

Of course, you’d run into some issues with teams that don’t even own the rights to their draft picks (IE: Knicks & Nets) so they wouldn’t give a shit either way. Some teams just suck because they suck, not because they’re trying to achieve some genius master plan like the almighty Sixers.

Still, this system works because it completely removes the desire to lose and promotes competitiveness among the worthless bottom feeders. Simply put, rewarding teams with a top pick because they’ve played like the Mud Dogs for 82 games isn’t American and it’s time for a change.

Vote Legler 2020.

 

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Dan Le Batard Completely Disrespected Emmanuel Sanders Today

Emmanuel Sanders went on the Dan Le Batard Show for an interview today and disrespected beyond belief. I’ve never heard anything like it.

First, Le Batard had the audacity to ask Emmanuel how he felt about Lisa Ann saying he’s the #1 player on the Broncos that she’d want to “cook dinner for.” What a complete asshole! Isn’t this a sports show? How about some x’s and o’s talk? How about we talk about that one slant route? Or what about the film study prior to the big game? That’s what the viewers really want. Shame.

[Audio of that Lisa Ann clip at 6:40 here]

But Le Batard wasn’t done there. He further insulted Emmanuel Sanders by forcing him to play a horrific game of “Does Wade Philips look like he could be a guy on a bottle of BBQ sauces” and “Does Gary Kubiak look like an Aspen ski instructor.”

An all-time disrespectful interview. Thankful that I don’t have children because how would I explain this to them? Really feel sorry for the viewers though, #WheresTheRespect ?

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Kidding aside, I fucking hate the Dan Le Batard Show, specifically his father who irritates me more than a jellyfish sting under my nutsack.

That said, Emmanuel Sanders is a fool for thinking he wouldn’t have to answer some silly questions on the show and an even bigger loser for crying about it on twitter afterward.

You just won a Super Bowl, and that means a few things- You’re going to have to field a couple of questions about legendary MILF pornstars and jokes about your coaches. Just be glad the media isn’t grilling you about a fumble that you chose not to dive on in the biggest game of your life.

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Shaq Found Out He Was Getting A Statue Outside Of The Staples Center Via Jimmy Kimmel

I don’t care if you think Shaq deserves a statue outside of the Staples Center or not, this sculpture is a masterpiece that can be mentioned in the same breath as MJ’s jumpman statue outside of the United Center.

A screaming 7 foot behemoth hanging from a bronzed rim with his nuts gloriously cemented in your face. Great statue to pose for a picture with, that’s for damn sure. Judging solely from the screen shot in the clip below, I’m perfectly fine giving Shaq’s statue an 11/10.

So now the Lakers will have Jerry West, Magic, Kareem and Shaq triumphantly displayed outside of their arena, with Kobe to round out the starting 5 in the near future. And all I can think about is when Kristaps Porzingis will be enshrined outside of MSG which, according to my calculations, should be completed by mid April.

Also cool that Shaq was genuinely surprised by this news too. Odd choice by the Lakers to let Jimmy Kimmel break the news to The Diesel that he would be immortalized outside of the Staples Center but that’s just Hollywood baby!

 

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Lil Wayne Is Still Alive And He’s Starring In A Super Bowl Ad

Lil Wayne is still relevant enough to land himself a roll in a Super Bowl commercial, one which co-stars George Washington and some buns.

The commercial is for Apartments.com and I couldn’t care less about it, but the fact that Weezy is still landing gigs during the Super Bowl is pretty impressive. I know he’s still rapping/doing lean and will always be a big draw but ever since he started doing that X-Games shit I considered him dead.

As for the commercial, if Birdman doesn’t have an appearance as Wayne’s “roommate” it will have been a failure.

::rubs hands together:: ::pigeons fly across George Washington’s bow::

“Oh you got them buns G Dub?”

::rubs hands again::

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Actress Playing Anna Nicole Smith Gets Prosthetic Boobs

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DailyMail: To realistically portray the late Anna Nicole Smith, actress Agnes Bruckner was faced with a challenge. She had to go from a B bra cup size to a DD to play the star in the Lifetime biopic The Anna Nicole Story, but she wasn’t willing to go under the surgeon’s knife to achieve the look. So the filmmakers turned to Oscar-winning special effects makeup artist Greg Cannom, who designed state-of-the art prosthetic breasts that were applied during four-hour-long fitting sessions to the 27-year-old each morning prior to shooting. ‘They couldn’t have been any more real looking,’ she said. I’d look at myself, and I kept thinking, “Oh, my God, could you imagine if they really were that big?”

 

Firstly, credit Greg Cannom with a top shelf design. Those fun bags look glorious. Secondly, how depressed is Agnes Bruckner going to be when she’s done shooting this film? On a scale of 1-10 she’ll probably be at a thousand. You don’t just walk around with A+ tits for weeks on end and then going back to your boring B’s without hitting the bottle hard. Don’t get me wrong, she looks good and I got absolutely nothing against B’s. Let me be clear on that front. But you’re lying to yourself if you think she’s not going to look in the mirror after this is all said and done, and think, “fuck.” PTSD. Post Tits Stress Disorder.

PS- If Anna Nicole Smith were still alive, her Twitter game would probably rival Amanda Bynes. Roller coaster lifestyle times infinity times infinity.